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1. Baggies and tubes of beads tightly packed
in various containers make an excellent insulation for the home.
2. Buying beads keeps our economy going. It
is our patriotic duty to support bead stores.
3. It is less expensive and more fun than
psychiatric care.
4. Because they are on sale.
5. At any moment the employees of a bead factory
might go on strike and limit the availability.
6. We are participating in a contest. The
one with the most beads wins.
7. A bead keeps without refrigeration, you
don't have to cook it to enjoy it, you never have to feed it,
change it or walk it.
8. We need extra weight in the trunk of our
cars for traction on icy or muddy roads. You never know when
the weather might change.
9. Because we are worth it.
10. Like dust, containers of beads are good
for protecting previously empty spaces in the house, such as
ironing boards, dining room tables or any other horizontal surface.
11. If the BIG earthquake comes, all the bead
stores might be swallowed into the ground and never seen again.
12. Stress from dealing with the "Bead
Control Officer" (spouse) makes us do it.
13. Buying beads is not immoral, illegal or
fattening. It calms the nerves, gratifies the soul and makes
us feel good.
14. We have to buy beads before our husband
retires and goes with us on all our shopping expeditions.
15. A bead purchase a day helps us work rest
and play.
16. Beads are a proven aphrodisiac.
17. While shopping for beads you don't have
to worry if they'll fit, or how big they will make your hips
look.
18. Beads don't argue, or get crabby.
19. Beads get better with age, like women
and wine.
20. You need never go near Loehmann's dressing
room to buy beads.
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